I Loved You Then
by calisky3
Summary: Bo has Lauren's heart, but it might not be enough to keep her. A tragic moment could ruin everything.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, no copy write infringement intended –I did write the plot for this story from my pure imagination. Lost Girl, FYI I love Doccubus...

Synopsis:

Bo has Lauren's heart, but it might not be enough to keep her.

'I Loved You Then'

By Rachel JW (Calisky3)

Chapter 1

Lauren's eyes were avoiding the path straight in front of her. Her gaze fell to the wooden door that was closed.

Moments went by with Lauren standing in silence staring at the door. A quick flashback played in her mind when she told Bo that she loved her. Hearing, "I love you" was one of the happiest moments in her life and also one of the hardest.

Somewhere, with the tender kissing and the tears that only came from her eyes, she needed to realize a few things. A few truths that she didn't want to admit. Lauren couldn't live without Bo, but as time passed she was finding it hard to stay. She kept telling herself that she was fine.

For so many years Lauren had been selfless. Lauren's whole life was dedicated to others. Not only, because she was a doctor, but also because she had been a slave to a tyrant Ash. Her love for Nadia, for Nadia's sake, kept her life stagnant for many years.

Lauren's love for Bo was the one thing that set her free. She knew that. What Lauren also knew was she was in the habit of saving everyone else, healing everyone else. When were her wounds, her hurts going to be mended? She did not get the glitz and glamour that came with being a hero. No, Lauren was the hero in the background with a stethoscope that never got recognized for her brilliance, but then again, she never expected anyone to notice her.

She had been content with this existence. Until one day, a beautiful brunette Succubus walked into her lab and into her life. Lauren's life before Bo had been so lonely. She had lived her life alone for so long, that was all there was.

Bo was the one person to recognize Lauren for something more. Bo loved her.

Lauren's love for Bo was one of the only true and honest things she finally allowed herself to feel. A tear came streaming down her face as she stood in the hallway outside of the Ash's Office.

Lauren had come so far. She knew this. She was better then this. Lauren's heart beat heavy in her chest as she stopped at the Ash's office door. Footsteps were heard as Hale came out from behind door with a smile. He had not expecting to see Lauren and she was also taken back, even though she had planned this.

"Lauren, what can I do for you doc?"

Lauren stumbled with her words as she often did when she was sure, but unsure of herself.

"Ash, may I have a word with you… sir?" Lauren said.

"Sir? This must be serious. Come in."

Lauren stepped in the door with her head still down. Hale took a seat behind his desk. "What's up?"

She took a deep breath before she started; this was not going to be easy. "Ash, Hale, I mean Ash..."

Hale put his hand up, "Hey doc, just talk to me." Trick was hiding in a dark corner of the room, from a passage door.

She took another deep breath. "Ash... I here to ask for my leave of the Light-Fae." Lauren looked Hale in the eyes. "I no longer want to be in your service." Lauren breathed out. She wanted to keep it short, keep the conversation simple unlike her usual science-self. She did not want questions.

Hale studied her for a moment, "You know you're an asset." Lauren did not speak. "Is it because I'm the new Ash? I know it's been bumpy, but I've just started and…"

Lauren looked up at the ceiling laughing uncomfortably shaking her head as she sometimes did. "No, Hale. This has nothing to do with you." She stopped. "I came back into service for the wrong reasons and now I've seen my error."

"Bo." Hale said simply.

Lauren looked at the ground, "I never planned for this; for it to be this hard." Tears fell from her eyes.

Hale stood from his chair and came around to where Lauren was standing. "How can I make this better?"

"I can't do this anymore," Lauren confessed through soft sobs. "I'm not one of you and I will never be." Lauren took the necklace off her neck and held her hand out to Hale. "This is yours."

Hale kept his hands at his side. "No, that's yours." Lauren looked at Hale waiting for his next thought. "I respect you Lauren. I may not know you as well as I should, but what makes you think I'd let you go?"

Lauren kept her hand extended with the necklace. "Out of respect," Lauren finished.

Hale grinned, "I would never keep you against you will Lauren. I hope you'd know that, but that necklace is yours." Lauren looked at the silver hanging from her hand. "Even if you choose not to serve the Light-Fae, I want you to know that you still have our protection doc."

Lauren stared at Hale confused. "I… don't understand."

Hale smiled, "Well doc, you are the best and will be hard to replace. The Light-Fae may have you on speed dial we're ever in a pinch?" He added half asking.

Lauren thought for a moment, "Alright, that's fair. But know I plan on being far away…"

Lauren stepped out of the room and back into the hall closing the door behind her. She let out a shaky breath. The hardest was not over.


	2. Chapter 2

_2 Days Earlier_

'I Loved You Then'

Chapter 2

Lauren thought she could handle Bo making love to others, if it just wasn't Dyson. "I can do this," was her mantra. She'd slowly repeat it in her head. It couldn't have been with anyone else? Maybe a stranger in a motel, but no it was a person Bo had seen regularly a beautiful blonde cop no less. It made Lauren's heart break beyond where she thought it was capable. Did she have to be blonde? Lauren felt like she was being replaced for a stronger, fae version of herself. Her stomach turned thinking passed the tears.

Lauren didn't mean to walk into a situation that she couldn't get herself out of. She was happy ignoring the fact that Bo had to feed off of others as long as she didn't have to see it. That was the first mistake, trying to surprise Bo on a night off they usually don't see each other.

"Hi honey, I thought I'd bring over some chocolate since you keep talking about it," was the last time Lauren could remember smiling before she saw Bo in bed with Tasmin, tangled. Bo was on top of her new suitor and the surprised expression in her eyes. Lauren dropped the box of chocolates on the ground. It was the last sound Lauren remembered hearing before the buzz took over and she couldn't hear anything else, including Bo screaming after her, jumping off the bed. Bo's words were muffled as Lauren was walking downstairs.

Their relationship worked, because they didn't talk about what they both knew was going on. Lauren didn't ask questions and Bo did not offer any explanation. Lauren just assumed some things were sacred.

There had to be something sacred in this mess that Lauren called her life. Some of the finer rules shouldn't have to be spoken it should just be a silent understanding. Was it too much for Lauren to ask that something be sacred? Lauren already had to live with the fact that she shared the woman she loved with anyone willing. Did she also have to run the risk of seeing it in action?

"In our bed, Bo, our bed. Where we make love? Did it have to be here?" Lauren yelled behind her as she was being grabbed by Bo who was covering up in a red blanket stumbling after Lauren who was walking to the door.

"Lauren please, I'm sorry," Bo pleaded turning Lauren to face her. "I didn't mean for you to see this."

Tears streamed down Lauren's face and onto her jacket as she looked into the eyes of the woman she loved. "I didn't either." Lauren pulled her hand free from Bo's grasp.

Tasmin called after Bo, "Come back to bed, it's cold up here!" Bo slightly turned to look in the direction of her room in horror, finally landing her gaze back on Lauren. Lauren's face as indescribable. Her eyes were almost colorless. Bo's breath stopped and Lauren laughed through her tears without saying a word, but the disappointment was palpable.

"Its just sex. She - doesn't, mean anything to me Lauren," Bo pleaded

Lauren's gaze fell onto to floor at the blanket that was dragging on the ground. "Better get back to it then." Bo felt lifeless as Lauren left practically running. Kenzi was standing in the kitchen eating a piece of toast and for the first time Kenzi hurt for Lauren's sake.

Bo looked over at her best friend for reassurance. "Shouldn't bring trash home, Bo-bo," Kenzi left the room leaving Bo alone, wordless.

Bo looked down at the ground and then across the room, she had to think quickly. The love of her life had walked out the door. Bo had to catch her breath. She saw a jacket and pants that on the couch. She threw them on and ran after Lauren down the street.

The air outside was cold as it hit Bo suddenly as she sprinted to Lauren standing by a yellow taxi. Bo grabbed Lauren by the arms and turned her around against the car. Bo tried to look Lauren in the eyes, pleading for words, for forgiveness. Lauren couldn't look Bo in the eyes, that's what hurt the most. Bo felt like a monster. She had acted like a monster.

"Lauren, Lauren please say something," Bo begged.

Lauren was silent for many moments. "Bo, what we had... is over." Lauren tried to say without tears, but they came anyway.

"What? Please, we can talk about this." Bo begged.

"There is nothing to talk about..."

There was a silence, finally a crackle in and Lauren's voice as she continued.

"I thought I could handle sharing you..." Lauren paused, thinking of how her words sounded silly out loud.

"The last thing I want for you Bo, is to feel like you have done something wrong. I know you're Fae. I've been there from the beginning Bo and you've come so far..." Lauren paused to catch her breath through the tears. "I even loved you then. I hope you know," the words hit Bo like bricks. "I will not be the one who makes you feel like there's anything wrong with who you are, that's why I can't stay," Lauren said through tears.

Lauren felt like she betrayed Bo, because she wasn't stronger then this. Lauren wished that having Bo didn't mean feeling like she wasn't enough, but this was her reality. Every time Bo kissed another person, touched them like she would touch her, it killed Lauren to think about, it tore at her heart and made her world black.

"It's better this way..." Lauren's clinical doctor-self was trying to fix the hurt, fix the pain she felt. She was trying to prevent Bo from feeling that same hurt or guilt. It was inevitable, Lauren's anger, her pain would eventually lash out at Bo and Bo couldn't do anything about what her body needed. Lauren was just trying to do what was best for her heart, her head. She needed to stop loving Bo, which meant she needed to be as far away from her as she could possible get. To forget her eyes, her touch, her smell, and how sweet she tasted on her tongue. Lauren wanted to forget how much everything hurt.

Bo's steady voice broke the silence, "Please, don't do this Lauren."

Lauren squeezed her eyes shut as the tears fell.

"Lauren I can change," Bo breathed into the mist.

That was not what Lauren wanted to hear, "Do not be ashamed of yourself, ever. Who you are is who I fell in love with..." Lauren's throat grew tight, " I am just not everything you need. And I can never be... not in this life."

"Lauren! Yes you are, please." Bo pleaded feeling the anxiety for the first time never realizing how hard this life was for Lauren. "Please. I'm sorry I should have never brought someone to our home, our bed. Let me try harder to make you know how much I..."

Lauren cut Bo off, "Goodbye Bo..."

Lauren stepped into a waiting taxi and slammed the door. She begged the man to drive. Bo tried to pry the door open, but it was locked.

Bo hit the window. "Lauren, Lauren please!" Bo's eyes were pleading through the rain-pelted window. But the eyes Lauren saw were the same eyes that looked back at her as she stepped into the room of their tragic demise. Lauren's heart broke again. It was over. Bo's love did set Lauren free and it was time to be free.

She was gone.


End file.
